Pressing In & Pursuing Him

12 Days...

2011-12-26T19:15:00.000-08:00

We had a wonderful 2 days with family to celebrate the birth of our King. After getting back from my in-laws today, we arrived home to find a gift bag on our front stoop. (This always makes me amazed at the Lord for keeping things safe. We've had stuff stolen from our step before, but amazingly it was returned to us in a bag about a month later!) We had a lot to unload from our truck (including people), but I felt like I should rescue whatever was waiting for us, so I left the rest and charged into the house to set the package safely on the table. I knew that I needed to help unload our truck, so I glimpsed inside and saw my name written and some gifts wrapped up inside. I flew fast to throw kids and gifts in the house so I could see what little treasures awaited me! :)

Inside again, I sat down to look at the gift that some unknown friend blessed me with. On the paper with my name was a history of the carol, The 12 Days of Christmas. For some reason I always thought that the 12 days of Christmas were leading up to Christmas Day. I never knew that it actually starts on Christmas (or the day after) continuing to the day before Epiphany. I actually thought that once Christmas was over, so were any festivities. I'm excited to look more into this little history lesson! :)

What was in the 5 packages? Well...

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree (some really yummy Anjou Pear moisturizing soap).

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, two turtle doves (Dove raspberry and dark chocolate bars)

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 3 french hens (Dunkin Donuts French Vanilla Coffee)

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 4 calling birds (a daily devotional called, Jesus calling)

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 5 golden rings! (gold fingernail polish--which was really cool b/c I've been wanting to paint my nails for the past 4 days)

I only thought (after the fact) that maybe I should have opened them up each day instead of tearing them open like some 5 year old kiddo on Christmas morning...hmm....well, I'm only 33 and it is the day after Christmas. Jesus, please give me more self control. :)

Dear friend, if you are reading this, please know that you have indeed blessed me. It was an already great day, but this definitely pushed it to the next level (to wonderful) just to know that someone was thinking about me and loving on me.

I am so grateful to serve Jesus, who knows what I need before I even think of it. That He has placed the most amazing friends in my life. That His love for me is evident and everlasting. Thank you Jesus. Thank you dear sweet anonymous friend. You have touched my heart. May Jesus bless you and keep you.

Praying for whoever is reading this to be blessed! His extravagant love is amazing...and He wants to love on you too. :)

(I'll try to remember how to post pictures tomorrow--then get them up on here. :)

Unprepared...

2011-10-02T04:26:00.000-07:00

Juggling isn't easy sometimes. I've been working more hours than I have in a LONG time along with volunteering, schooling and trying to run my household. Needless to say, I've been a little emotional over the last 2 weeks. I was so excited to finally have a girls night out with some friends.

We had a great time. There was too much food (as always), much laughter and so much fun. It felt good to talk without having someone interrupt your every word. It had definitely been too long. Release is so good. Thanks girls. Can't wait to do it again soon. :)

After being gone for almost 6 hours, I came home and hubby went with a friend to practice for worship for today's service at church. I had a little quiet time, so I decided to check out my email and then I checked on a friend's CaringBridge (free websites for people facing serious medical conditions--a great way to keep everyone informed). What I saw I was unprepared for.

B. had set up the website for her son, N. who may have been 19 or so when he was diagnosed with spinal cancer. Our family has tried to keep updated on how sweet N. has been doing, praying together for complete recovery for him. Well, last night I saw that he passed away on September 17th. The same day that our little lovely had a birthday. My heart is broken. He died just 12 days before his 22nd birthday. I can't even imagine.

As I sat there in tears reading past posts about this amazing young man, I began to wonder. If I could talk to B., what would I say? How could I be an encouragement to her? I knew then that there would be nothing I could say (except that I will be praying) to encourage her. I knew that because of her faith in her Creator Jesus, she would be the one comforting and encouraging me.

The Lord met her and showed her that she needs to look to Him, not for N. That N. was safe with Him, no longer suffering. That was such a comfort for her. And even though they will continue to grieve (I don't think a person actually ever "gets done" grieving), Jesus will meet her and her family every step of the way in the process. The pain will get to be less over time and there will be further time between the bouts of heart-wrenching sadness. He is ever faithful. I pray for a full, yet as quick-as-possible recovery. I truly feel speechless.

New Chapter...

2011-09-14T17:13:00.000-07:00

Transition is not always easy. In fact, it's often uncomfortable and seems to be long. In labor, it's one of the most intense parts. The part when you want to throw in the towel and just leave the baby in there and wear maternity pants for the rest of your life. There's no stopping it. That baby's coming, and what a prize it will be when it comes. In the meantime though, you've just got to hang in there.

I love my church. I mean L-O-V-E. my. church. I have lived in PA for almost 11 years and next month, we'll be at our beloved church for 10 years. That's a long time. (For a 32 year old at least.) My man and I have gone through many hardships in our 10 years of marriage, as well as many happy ones. Through that time, our church, has become a family. One that we like. One that we love. I have experienced friendships that I never dreamed possible. I love each one of them wholeheartedly.

This past Monday night was an exhausting one (not just b/c it was McGyver's birthday). C & I went to bed after crying out to the Lord for wisdom about what to do in an area of our life. When we woke up the next morning, he asked me if I felt the Lord telling me anything. "I don't know... maybe", I said. "Why, do you feel him telling you something?" He said yes, but said I needed to go first. I sighed and went on. "Well, I think I heard a voice maybe telling me that we should go to this other church" (a church that our church planted) "instead of our church." Then I waited for him to tell me, "Nope. That's not it." Instead, he said, "Yep. That's what the Lord told me too."

It was exciting. C & I hearing from the Lord individually, but also together. I was elated. Later in the day, it began to feel surreal. Was this really happening? C & I talked about it, and we both felt that we needed to do this asap. I have learned from past experiences that when the Lord says something, we need to jump on it. Otherwise, the rewards may be less sweet as time goes by. Kind of like a harvest. When you know it's time to bring in the harvest, you don't wait for the fruit to fall to the ground and get all squishy and bug-filled. You get out there to get the ripe, succulent fruit.

This morning though and all through the day, I felt so extremely sad. I felt like I was in mourning. I know that we're not moving to Mexico or anything, but it is just such a change I'm trying to wrap my heart (and my mind) around it all at the same time. A couple of times at work today I began to feel tears slide down my cheeks as I kept thinking how hard this would be. How much I will miss my family. It truly felt like grief.

Tonight, as I was putting the boys to bed, I read about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane (from their children's Bible). While reading to them, Holy Spirit began to show me the sacrifice that Jesus made for me. I mean, really, show me in my heart. So much so, that I began to weep uncontrollably. I realized that He left everything that was perfect and good with the Father, to come here. To be ridiculed, to be tormented, to be tortured and crucified. All for a people who did not receive Him. We, on the other hand, are being called to a church that is amazing. People there who only know how to love, and who are generous and good. I realized then, in my grief, that I needed to thank Jesus, let the grief go, and give Him praise for the new chapter in our life.
I am reminded of King David. After days of praying and fasting, his firstborn son died. He immediately washed his face, changed his clothes and began to eat again.

So, now I wash my face, thank Jesus for His amazing love, and the new chapter in our life. I won't get to give most of you a "proper good-bye"in time for this Sunday, but I am sure that I will see you again (sometime soon I hope!). These precious friendships that I treasure I want to keep going. I simply can't lose touch. It'll just take a little scheduling. :)

I am excited to see what the Lord has for our family through this act of obedience. Since we said "yes", C has already had 4 new projects begin...and that's only since yesterday!

Alright. Time to turn the page. Thank you for this "baby", Lord. Thank you that it's coming and oh, what a sweet day it will be.

Happy Birthday Sweet Jonathan!

2010-06-01T07:31:00.000-07:00

8 years ago yesterday, 5/31/02, Winston (then 4) and I went to my routine dr's appointment. Chris and I were expecting #2 and we were 29 1/2 weeks along. I still remember it like it was yesterday. The nurse, trying to find a heartbeat with the Doppler and not being successful. Another nurse came into the room and tried the same thing, with the same response. Finally, the doc came in to tell me to move to the ultrasound room. When we got there, I wasn't prepared for what the sonographer would tell me. "Jennie, I am sorry, but your baby is gone." I remember sitting there trying to control my thoughts. What did she mean that the baby was gone? I was past the time of having a miscarriage, wasn't I?

The tears wouldn't stop flowing. Young Winston, so sweet and normally quiet, was all of a sudden protective of his mother; and he wrapped his small arm around my shoulder and pointed his little finger at the lady and demanded, "why did you make my mommy cry?" I had to call Chris, who was working an hour away and he came home as fast as he could. We had a friend watch Winston for us for a few hours while Chris & I tried to pick up the pieces.

We had picked out the name Aidan Wesley for our son. No reason, just sounded nice. But the Lord had different plans. As Chris and I were sitting in our living room, the Lord told Chris that He wanted us to name our son Jonathan David. We'd never even looked at that name, but we would obey our Daddy. Whatever He wanted.

We had been told that we would have to wait until Monday to deliver our son (it was Friday). I was devastated to go all weekend knowing what I knew. Chris stood up for me however and called the doc's office and told them that we were going in on Saturday, June 1. We weren't going to wait.

Early the next morning, I was induced. It was a grueling labor. My body wasn't physically ready for what was happening and my heart would never be ready for such an event. My mom flew in from South Dakota to help Chris and I. We had just had our first childbirth class that Tuesday and it did not prepare us like we would have needed to be. Chris told me later how grateful he was that she was there.

When Jonathan was "born", it was like a silent movie. Normally, there's all kinds of noise during and following a live birth. This was utter silence. It still makes my heart grieve thinking of what it was like that day. He was 1 pound 15 ounces, and was 16 inches long. He had dark hair, just like his daddy. His lips were perfectly formed as were his little hands and fingers. He was so beautiful...I couldn't see anything wrong with him. I do remember him being so fragile though and I was nervous to hold him. I was afraid that he would literally break in my hands.

Not everyone had chosen to see our baby. We didn't want Winston to b/c he wouldn't have understood. It would have frightened him. Chris's parents, along with my mom, held their grandson in their arms. I'm sure that I felt guilty for delivering their little grandson to them in this way.

After everyone left the room, we were left alone with our son. The nurse that was in the room told us that Jonathan was "a gift from God". I only nodded without looking up and I don't think that either one of us said anything except maybe a mumbled version of, "I know". We didn't want to be comforted, we just wanted our son back. She said, "no, that's what his name means". In the midst of my heartache, I felt a tinge of hope. That my Papa would speak to us even during that dark hour.

She then explained to us that we could hold our son as long as we wanted. That he could even stay with us overnight. We decided to let them take him shortly after that. That was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make, and I came close to hating myself afterward. I kept wondering if I made the wrong choice. If I should have kept him with me as long as possible.

When Chris & I got home, we looked up the name David to find the meaning. We were shocked, yet feeling loved when we saw, "cherished". Our son was rightly named Jonathan David, our cherished gift from God.

The Lord has done amazing things since we lost our son 8 years ago today. He's given us 4 more very healthy, beautiful children, and the growth and healing that He's given to our hearts is more than we can put into words. Today, we say, Happy 8th Birthday Jonathan! We love you and miss you so very much! And Abba, please give him a big hug and kiss for us. Thank you for all that you have done and that we will one day see him again.

Here is the verse that was put on his gravestone. 1 Samuel 1:28 "Now I am giving him to the Lord, and he will belong to the Lord his whole life".

It was like a dream

2010-01-05T08:09:00.000-08:00

"When the Lord restored his exiles to Jerusalem, it was like a dream! We were filled with laughter, and we sang for joy. And the other nations said, "What amazing things the Lord has done for them." Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us! What joy! Restore our fortunes, Lord, as streams renew the desert. Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest." Psalm 126

This is the scripture that was prophesied over us last year. At first, it sounded too good to be true. And though that may be a fact as to how it is in the world, NOTHING is too good to be true as Children of God.

2009 was a great year for miraculous provision for our family. Most of the year we had no idea how we were going to "make ends meet", but there was always enough. Even when it was the 11th hour and as we dangled off the cliff and it felt like God's hands were getting sweaty and He was going to drop us, He provided. In amazing ways. We have 5 children, and we didn't know how we were going to "do Christmas". Well. Let me tell you that this past Christmas was the most amazing one I can ever remember having. How, you ask? Well, Jesus did the shopping. :) Let me give you the short version of what He did.

Background: We were VERY late with all of our loans/payments. The same debts were staring us in the face even though the money wasn't really even trickling in. We learned how to fight fear. Through praying scripture, we have learned how to battle the enemy. We're still growing in this area, but I can see the amazing growth that the Lord has blessed us with over the past year.

December 3rd (Thursday) I was asked to work at the credit union, and I knew it was a blessing because we needed some money. I always pray before going to work, and at the end of the day when I was $161 short, I couldn't figure it out. I took it home to look at it and could find nothing. I brought it back to work with me the next day and explained this to my supervisor. She told me that there was also $3000 missing from the vault and that it pointed to me. I went home devastated. I couldn't believe that this was happening. Here we are, extremely late on all of our payments and now money is missing from the vault? I just cried out to God. It was all in His hands.

On Sunday we received prayer for our finances (which was hard for me because we've received SO much prayer for this last year). We were then asked how much we needed to bring our mortgage current and we were blessed right away with that much money. I was so excited to bring our house payment where it should be!! After getting the kids home and in bed, the spirit of fear tried to attack me. I realized that I would be bringing a lot of cash in to my work to make our mortgage payment right after all that money was missing from the vault. Thank goodness that I realized what it was. I told the enemy that I know that I didn't take any money and that the Lord had blessed me and I was going to pay our mortgage. I would leave the details to God. So, I brought it in early Monday morning. Then I waited. On Tuesday morning, my supervisor called and told me that they found the error. They "found" the $3000 AND the $161 that was missing. I hadn't been off after all. The Lord restored me to honor.

Not too long after this, I was blessed with a birthday check for $25. I had it cashed, put it in the envelope, sealed it shut and sent it through the drive-thru to Chris so that he could pick something up for me. He went to pay for the item and discovered that $5 was missing. I checked with the teller who cashed it and she wasn't off. I instantly knew that the devil stole my money. I declared in Jesus' name that the devil stole my $5 and that he would pay me back much more than what he stole (the amount would be determined by my Father). Two weeks later (December 21), I received a call from a local office telling me that they had something for me. Really? I went down to the office where I was handed an envelope and told that it was an anonymous gift for us for Christmas. I thanked her and practically ran home. As soon as I got in the door, I tore open the envelope. Inside the card was $350!! As I am staring at this money, almost unable to think, the Lord brought to mind that the enemy stole my $5 and that he was made to pay me back 70 times what was stolen!! That's my Abba!! That same day we were blessed with paid tuition for our 4-year-old's preschool for the remainder of the year!! Wow God!!

Ah yes. That brings me back to Christmas. For Christmas this year, Chris & I bought each of the older boys a pack of socks as well as a pair of slippers for our eldest and a book of coloring pages for our 4-y.o. With 5 kids, that's pretty amazing. The rest came from our Papa, a talking doll for our daughter, plush blocks for our littlest warrior, a firehouse for our middle 2 sons and some fun word games for our oldest. We had the most fun with with the Wii & Wii Fit Plus that He blessed us with. At one point, I looked at my handsome hubby and said, "this all feels like a dream". Instantly, Psalm 126 came to mind. And there it was.

He's done so much more than that last year, but this is just one of many stories of faithfulness and provision. And so far, 2010 has been a dream.

Chris & I had been praying for a different car for him to get to work in. The car that had been given to us in September had finally bitten the dust. (I say finally because it was 24 years old.) We knew that the Lord had blessed us with that car, and the devil had NO right to steal it from us. So we declared it. Not too long after praying, we were approached by someone who asked if we needed a car. She said that it's kind of old, but that it would run. We figured that we'd just driven a car that was 24 years old, so it wouldn't be that big of a deal. She said that it was a 2004 Honda Civic. I couldn't believe it. It was 5 years newer than our "new" Conquistador (as my s-i-l calls it). It had 40,000 miles on it and let me tell you that it's SO much fun to drive!! :) We couldn't believe that the Lord would do something so incredibly amazing for us!! Thank you Abba!! We've since then been given more gift cards (coming anonymously in the mail) as well as people we don't even know blessing us with Wii games! It really does feel like a dream some days!!

I'm praying as you read this that this year will bless you greatly, and, most importantly, that you will see more of Jesus than you ever thought possible. Because with Him, ALL things are possible.

Can I obey?

2009-11-17T14:18:00.000-08:00

As parents, it seems like we're constantly trying to get our kids to obey. It's simple. Obedience brings peace. Sometimes there are even rewards for obedience. What happens then when we are challenged as adults by our Heavenly Father to obey Him? Now it doesn't seem that simple. We have agendas of our own and His doesn't seem to fit. This has been me recently.

About a month ago, I was enjoying my Facebook account (as usual) when I felt the Lord telling me to close down my account. What? Did He really say that? Couldn't be. Facebook is wonderful!! Why would He want me to give up something so great? So, that repeated itself several times over the past month. I kept giving Him reasons as to why it's so good for me: I'm reconnected with people that I haven't seen in a LONG time (as well as people I get to see frequently) and I've been able to share with people about what a WONDERFUL God I serve (which I thought would win Him hands down).

Last week, I was doing the dishes with my 11 y.o. and I started crying out to the Lord about our finances that we need and I felt the Him again tell me to close down my account. Immediately after, I heard this question in my head: "Are you willing to miss the Lord's blessing b/c of being disobedient about Facebook?". Wow. My answer was of course, "NO!" and I went to the computer and immediately shut it down. Then I began to pray that my delayed obedience would be forgiven and that He would bring the blessings back that I may have missed during my period of disobedience. God is good and even though I was slow in obeying, I believe that He has forgiven me and is extended grace and mercy to me .

Well, last night during dinner, the doorbell rang. It was our postman delivering a package for us. We weren't expecting anything, and we saw that someone wrote on the side of the box, "Be Blessed"!! Oooh, I just LOVE those kind of boxes!! :) Anyway, inside was a NEW CAMERA!!! Well, not entirely new, but so beautiful just the same!! It's a Canon Power Shot and it's AMAZING!! :) I still can't believe it!! We were just talking a few weeks ago that wouldn't it be great to get a camera for the family and then use the old slow one for Chris' work. I just can't believe it!! :) God is SO good!! :) And you better believe that we're praying for HUGE blessings for the individual/people who obeyed the Lord!!

Also in the package were 2 CD's by Jesse Duplantis. It has already changed my way of thinking and we've only listened to one of them! It was titled, "Hey, that's MY Harvest!". It's on how we need to bring our tithes AND offerings. And when we bring our offerings, we need to NAME our harvest so that when it comes, we recognize it. Otherwise, the enemy will steal it from us! This is for people who are in alignment with God's Kingdom of course. He is not a genie in a bottle that we can tell Him what to do. Oh no. He's THE God of the universe and King of Kings and best of all: MY (YOUR) ABBA (DADDY)!!!

I want to be in a place of TOTAL obedience ALL the time. I don't want to let Him wait on me any longer. I don't want to miss a SINGLE thing that He has for me. How about you? What are some ways that you could obey Him? It may be simple, or it may be more complex. But one thing is for sure. He is faithful through ALL things. When we are faithful with the small things, we will be faithful in the big things. (Luke 16:10). Yeah for Jesus who trusts me to obey Him!! Can't wait to post more soon!!

Be BLESSED!!

I FOUND MY REST!

2009-04-29T11:49:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that I totally forgot what Livin' Life had told me a month earlier. Last week, we had the Prophetic Presbytery for S.O.M. Livin' had told me that we needed to be in prayer the week before, during and especially after the presbytery. She said that the enemy would come to steal our Word from the Lord. Well...last week it was truly amazing. Dawn spoke over healing and provision (keep in mind that we'd never met her before) and that we needed to continue to believe in the miraculous.

Right after I posted my last blog (a few minutes ago), I had an "aha!" moment. I felt like this is exactly what Livin' had warned us of. That the devourer, liar & cheat will do everything in his power to convince me that my Abba is lying. My attitude feels TOTALLY different now. Like, I want to shout in his ugly face, "IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?".

Thank You Lord for showing me to wear this struggle as a badge of honor. I can't believe that I have fallen for his schemes. Please forgive me Abba for my straying from Your path. Help me to stick with You so that I don't get lost again.

I suddenly feel the need to play "Bring It On" by Steven Curtis Chapman. I HAVE FOUND MY REST!

Rest in the Lord

2009-04-29T07:56:00.000-07:00

I'm doing the best that I can. I think. I've been patiently waiting, waiting, waiting. Yet the provision has not yet come. I often feel like in situations like these that I am dangling off the cliff and there is no kind of "safe net" to catch me if I would fall. I know that is not the case, because I have a Father who loves me and provides so much more than I could ever ask for. Sometimes I think that my head just needs to catch up to what my heart already knows.

Chris and I have been spending time in prayer, meditating on the Word and the Lord's goodness. We've done everything that we know to do and feel like we're living in obedience to what the Lord has called us to. He has shown us mighty provision before so I guess I am very confused about what is going on now.

I'm not interested in what is going on in the "economy" because the economy that the world is freaking out about is not the Lord's economy. He can do the craziest, most unlikely and impossible things that He wants to do in a crappy world economy. And He does. Yeah. I'm not worried about that. Swine flu either while we're talking about scare tactics of the enemy. Anyway. Just wanted to clear that up.

I just seem to have trouble hearing Him right now. Like He is just not speaking to me right at the moment. Maybe this is some kind of test. I don't know. My mind is swimming with "where are you God?" questions. That's another thing. I try and try to have quiet time with the Lord--meaning where I am to be quiet so I can hear Him. What normally happens though is that my mouth is yapping and my mind is so noisy in the quiet that everything drowns out His still, small voice.

Am I the only one who struggles with these things? I seriously doubt it, but it doesn't make me feel any better to be struggling with this. I must confess that I know the Lord is here because the peace that I have could only be from Him. I just tend to begin thinking of all the "what ifs" and get myself all worked up.

Rest is what I need. Physical rest would be nice, but it's not as necessary as the rest I need to find in the quiet of my Father. Lord, please help me to focus on You and not my circumstances. Help me to find myself completely wrapped in Your arms, my heart beating the same as Yours. Help me to continue to focus on Your will for my life, no matter what the outcome. I trust You Lord. I will continue to make that choice, day after day. To follow You completely ALL the days of my life.

He is for us, not against us

2009-01-29T05:14:00.001-08:00

I have been so anxious to write this entry, but have been waiting just in case the hubby would like to do it instead. I guess we can both do it in our own way because we won't be writing the exact same thing. So, here goes.

Last year was a bit of a financial struggle. We always were able to pay our bills, but most of the time we were paying them late because, well, we were waiting for provision. It was very frustrating because we've been doing all the things that we feel are "necessary" to receive God's blessings. We even had a couple people try to convince us that the economy isn't doing well, so my hubby's work may suffer. You may have to get jobs outside the home. I just have one thing to say about that: the world's economy may not be doing well, but God's economy is not dictated by the world's economy. God provides for His people, and I am not supposed to worry about it. (Definitely the hard part sometimes.)

Since our budget was a bit tight, we made "cuts" for Christmas. I felt bad doing it at the time, but grateful that the Lord was working on pride in my life so that I would do the right thing for my family. From hubby for Christmas, I received a journal. I was very excited because I love to journal (and I really prefer the fancy journals compared to a regular notebook because then I can find it easier. I'm very disorganized sometimes, but that's another post. :)

As I'm sitting in bed one night with my new journal, I was contemplating what to put in it. (I'm also very indecisive, but that's also another entry--maybe.) I heard the Lord tell me that I was supposed to use it to document all the ways that He is going to bless us this year. I thought to myself (and to Him), "Lord, how about if I get a 5-subject notebook, and I'll give you a section?" That was pretty generous of me I thought since last year didn't feel like it was overflowing with blessings. Even hubby said that he didn't think that I would need to use the whole journal for blessings. Then I distinctly heard the Lord say, "No, I want you to use this journal to write down all the ways that I will bless you this year". That was it. Here was my chance to practice what I preach to my children all the time: obedience.

Just a quick note that occurred to and encouraged Hubby & I: in the Bible (Deut. 6) , God instructs His people to pass things that God has done on to our children, and our childrens' children. I always thought that was for the "children of old", but have realized that this is not totally accurate thinking. We need to show our children and our grandchildren, etc. what the Lord has done in our lives to encourage them as well as us (and others!).

Since choosing obedience, the Lord has been blessing us beyond comprehension. First was providing enough paint for us to paint our entire hall upstairs (which is pretty big). And it looks as though He's planning on continuing this trend. We've had more people letting us know that they have paint that we can have so that we can continue our painting fun with the rest of the hall (which stretches down the stairs, and then all downstairs as well). Good-bye pistachio green, I feel myself beginning to relax already!! To see what I'm talking about, here's a link to hubby's blog.

I've grown very claustrophobic about clutter. Our house is very cluttered (or at least it was). One room that caused me to panic was our family room. Wall to wall was covered with something (mostly furniture). We had an L-shaped desk that took up so much room (and was not functional) that I asked God to help us find a desk that would take up less room (and be functional). Well, I put an ad on Craigslist for $75 obo. I knew that our desk wasn't worth that much (to us), but you can always go down in price, not up. Then we waited for almost 3 weeks. We'd had several inquiries about it, but nothing panned out.

In the meantime, I found a desk that looked beautiful (online) and they were asking $75 for it. I asked the Lord that if it was His will, please make it happen. Well, 2 days later, someone came over to look at the desk (while I was at work). The guy told my hubby that "it's perfect. I'll take it". He then threw some money on the table, took the desk and left. Hubby didn't count the money until after he left (again, another entry...why does he do things like this?!?). Much to our astonishment, he left us $75--with no negotiations!! To make this long story short, we now have our desk, which is more beautiful than was in the pictures. To God be the Glory!!

Here is a picture of our old desk. Not very workable, or usable.

Even though it was an L-shaped workstation, there was no storage and the desk top was pretty unusable.

And this is the new desk the Lord gave to us.

There is enough room on this desk to accommodate our household tasks like bills, our homeschooling records, and my hubby's work.

We have good friends who gave us a dining room table (which extends for our growing family) which is also beautiful and a surround-sound system (it's so awesome and we never knew we even wanted one, and makes us laugh when we listen to it while watching our 19-inch t.v.). It's kind of like being in the theater while sitting waaaayyy in the back. :)

Just recently the Lord has been pouring down blessings for us financially. I had a friend who asked me to come over to her house because she had something for me. When I got there, she handed me an envelope and said that "this is from someone at church. They wanted to remain anonymous, but wanted to bless you and your hubby". I looked inside and there was $400! I couldn't believe my eyes and said, "are you serious?" She simply replied, "yeah". I brought it home to hubby and for once even he looked surprised. We ran right to the bank to make a large part of our mortgage payment (that was overdue).

The very next day, we received a call from a friend of ours. He said that he had been spending time with the Lord and for the past few weeks He felt the Lord putting us on his heart. He said that he was going to step out in faith and ask me, "do you need any help financially?" I felt my jaw drop. Pinch me and I'll wake up, I thought to myself. I said yes we do need help. He said that he felt the Lord giving the number 200 to him in his heart and that was what he wanted to bless us with. I felt so bad that hubby didn't take this call. He wouldn't have started to cry like I was doing at that very moment. I couldn't believe that He (God) was doing this for us.

Needless to say, we've been praying for HUGE blessings to rain down on these people (from paint to sound systems to financial help and everything in between) who've stepped out in faith. We've learned that it's good to walk in faith even when it looks so incredibly stupid to others . That we're trusting our God and leaning NOT on our own understanding(Proverbs 3:5) . I don't know why the Lord decided to bless us in this way. But I do know that He's just a loving Papa who loves to bless His children. And I love Him for His blessings, but mostly for His amazing sacrifice that He gave us so long ago. I pray that that very sacrifice will remain fresh in my heart, and that I will never take Him for granted, and that I will always walk by faith (2 Corinthians 5:1-10). He is for us, not against us (Romans 8:31-39).

A Heart Transformation

2009-01-22T18:29:00.000-08:00

My mom told me when I was younger (before I was married) that once a person gets married, they find out how selfish they really are. I guess I kind of blew it off since I wasn't even dating anyone at the time, and I really didn't think that this advice would pertain to me. Boy, was I wrong. It took getting married and then having children to find out how incredibly selfish and whiny I can be.

Since I've gotten married nearly 8 years ago, I have found that my mom was right. I mean, sometimes I could easily be mistaken for a three-year-old who isn't getting their way. I would complain about everything (whether big or small) and most of the time, I think I didn't even realize that I was doing it.

One of the big things that I've found to complain about where we live. I've had it in my head for the past 3 years (and flowing out of my mouth) that I want to either live closer to our church (which is 1 hour away) so that we can be more involved than we are, or I want to live no more than half hour from my parents (which are 24 hours away). Those were the only two options that I'd fixed my mind on and the only two options that God was given. He needed to let us know which one it was going to be and when. I also wanted to fix up our enormous "fixer-upper" so that we can sell it and get to one of the above two destinations (quickly). My mind was made up. I'd pray about it so that I could hear what the plans were.

Somewhere along the line though, the Lord must have re-wired my "whine-ware" so that I would notice when I was complaining. I really began to notice it a lot. Our pastor even ended a message with "Please do not complain about where you are. The Israelites complained and it took them 40 years to get through the wilderness. Had they not complained, it would have only taken them about a week."

That was it!! I decided that I would not complain about living in this city. Then, I wouldn't have to be here 40 years!! I really felt good about my decision.

Well, recently I was able to connect with someone and the Lord gave me a new revelation through this conversation: I am perfectly happy being here, in this city. I want to reach out and love the people from this community and see souls saved and see Christians be able to mature in their faith. No matter how long it takes, no matter if we have to drive 1 hour to church each week several times for years, and whether or not I have to wait to see my family only once every year or so, I want to be here. Doing God's will. I know now what it feels like to be content where He's called me to be. And, I still want to get my house fixed up, but now for a different reason: I want to enjoy it while we're here.

Thank you Lord for showing me my selfishness and even more for what you're doing in my heart. Help me to be a witness wherever I go, and wherever I live.

Proverbs 21:19

It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.

Why I find it hard to be a woman

2009-01-12T14:41:00.000-08:00

Okay...I'm typing this while it's *fresh* (literally as you will read). As a woman, I have found that keeping groomed is a full-time job. You have hair to keep trimmed and fashioned so that you look like someone who stepped out of a magazine. This has been hard for me. I find that getting your hair cut is expensive--(getting your hair highlighted you nearly need to take out a loan for)--so I don't usually go to the salon but once a year. It's normally because I'm getting tired of my mid-back length hair and want a change. So I get it cut to below my shoulders.

You also have a figure to try and maintain (if you can refrain from the cookies and other "goodies" in your kitchen. This is the part that I find hardest. Especially since I haven't convinced myself that I want to be beat into slender submission. I'm trying though. Just did some butt exercises today and now I can't feel it. I guess it's working.

What I'm really interested in talking about though is hair removal. Yes, the shaving of the legs, armpits, etc. Now, it's winter time, so I have to admit that I take a bit of a vacation from clearing the forests (although armpits must be shaved regularly). It's a very, hairy deal.

Last night as hubby and I were spending time with some friends, she (so beautiful) says that her legs have gotten so hairy. I was immediately up for the challenge. My leg hair has been growing like overgrown raspberry bushes for at least 2 months now. I told her to show me her leg (I think she was surprised:). She showed me and for the life of me, I saw nothing. I even reached out to try and see if I felt anything, but really, it was nothing to mention. I laughed and said that she should see my legs (after I said it I immediately wondered of my sanity). She gasped and laughed when she saw my legs. That's how forest-like they are. It's actually been a point of pride for me. Kind of a like a contest that no one else is in--just me. And, I'm winning. :)

So today as I get ready for our mom's group tomorrow, I have a box of things that I want to put out on the "share" table at the group. These are random things that are in good condition that you're wanting to find a new home for. I saw the box of cold wax hair removal and thought to myself..."maybe I'll see if I really want to get rid of this". I remembered that it hurt the last time, but that was at least 3 years ago. This stuff has since "expired" I'm sure. It won't be that bad.

I go into the bathroom with my youngest son in tow (he was very interested in this experiment that mom was about to perform). He excitedly handed me the strips while I smeared cold wax on my unsuspecting hair. I put the strip down, pressed it down good, and gave it a yank. OH MY WORD!!! What in the world just happened? I look down at a very bare strip in my grove of trees.

Wow that hurt. But, now that leg just looks silly. Better keep going. So, my little assistant helps me again. This time I actually screamed. My little McGyver has decided that next time he will close his ears so that he doesn't hear "aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!". By this time I've created enough of a ruckus that Dimples appears in the doorway..."whatcha doing?" Little Mac invites him to come in and see what mommy is doing.

Over and over again this happens until I actually start to feel a bit light-headed. I think I actually heard my leg crying and asking "why are you mad at me?" So, looking down at my red, splotchy leg which is missing hair in some parts, but still hairy in most places, I decide that is absolutely enough. My leg looks worse than it did before and now there's pain too. Not to mention my other leg is still completely covered in hair. If you don't believe me, I'll "verify" for you tomorrow. It's about an hour after the "ordeal" and my heart is still racing. I even feel a little nauseous.

It's funny, before I even started waxing my leg, I thought to myself that maybe I'll even do my bikini area. Now though, I'm glad I didn't. I don't think I'd be able to have any more children after doing so. Hmmm...:)

Guess what is going back into the box for tomorrows mom's group? I will put a note on it for whichever brave soul decides to take it:Take at your own risk.

This is one of the last times that I attempt to be a "modern" woman. Who cares if my body hair can all be tucked into my socks? After this, maybe I will start my own fashion. After enough hair grows, you may not need clothing anymore! Talk about saving money! Anyway, I'm glad that I'm a woman, but sometimes it's just plain hard to be one.

Reminiscing

2009-01-08T06:13:00.000-08:00

As I sit here in the "quiet" of my home, my mind is filled with the amazing things that the Lord has done recently in my life. I wanted to share a few of those quick before anyone discovers I'm gone.

In the fall of 2007, I gave birth to my first daughter (3 boys were ahead of her) and something "freakish" happened. I won't bother sharing the entire testimony as it's quite lengthy I've found, but her & I both came in contact with HSV-1 (aka Herpes Simplex Virus-type 1). Now, if you're first reaction is wow! an STD, that is the same reaction that I had. Although incorrect. This is the same strain that causes shingles, chickenpox and cold sores. It could have been potentially devastating though had the Lord Jesus not be involved. I thank Him so much that He was.

Anyway, this is a virus that is known to not leave the body once infected. It just remains dormant in the spinal fluid until another stresser comes to make it flare up again. Not fun. Very painful. But we're not pursuing mans advice, we're pursuing the Lord and what He can do. We've been believing total healing for both of us. And I really think that we're seeing it.

Shortly after my initial outbreak, I began to develop one single blister inside my mouth (on the roof toward the back). It looked like a pimple, and it would come and go on it's own (unless of course I couldn't leave it alone and pop it myself--gross I know). Well, after over a year of praying and believing in healing from HSV for both the sweetpea and I, I realized the other day that I've not had this recurring pimple-thing for months! How amazing is that? I had come to expect it because it came so frequently. I didn't even notice that it wasn't appearing anymore!

Then, sweetpea runs high fevers while teething. A few months ago, she ran a temp of almost 105. I was sick to my stomach and nervous about her going through another outbreak (which requires medication because she's so young). In the past when she ran fevers, she almost always would get sick again with the virus. Well, I waited and waited. No lesions came. It was quite astonishing. Then again a couple of weeks ago she developed fevers again; again, no lesions. I'm in complete awe.

I've been hesitant in the past to claim the healing for us in my heart b/c I can see with my eyes. (I'm only realizing this now.) I could see each and every little pink bump on my beautiful daughter's head and be terrified, but still claiming healing. It seemed so foolish to me in the flesh, because I felt like I was trying to be one of those "positive thinkers". The only difference is that while they're trying to use the positive to make things happen, I was calling on the Name of Jehovah Nissi (God of Victory). I'm not quite sure of the verse, I think it's somewhere in 1 Corinthians, but it talks about "calling things that aren't as though they are". That's what we were/are doing and can't wait to see these things tested out to see our complete healing.

One of the things that have made me a little nervous about all of this is that we're expecting again. The docs want to put me on the medication at 6 months and will plan on doing a C-section if there's any signs of the virus. I know that in order to have a testimony, one must first have a test. I believe this will be my test. So, if you remember, please pray for the baby and I during the pregnancy and labor/delivery. I'm willing to accept the challenge (not like I have a choice!) and show what the Lord has done.

Walking on Water

2008-12-20T19:20:00.000-08:00

Sometimes being transparent is a very hard thing. I'm going to do so now so that I can overcome this season of immaturity that I seem to be going through. Over the past few weeks, I have been having (mainly) spiritual temper tantrums...quite consistently. There have been times when I've shown my maturity by not throwing myself on the floor and pounding my fists until they fell off at the wrists though. So maybe I'm not that bad. :)

Anyway, we've really been struggling with a few things here on the home front and I have had it. I felt as though we were doing everything that the Lord was asking of us, yet my patience had taken its toll. Where is God when these mountains seem to be looming overhead? I know that I serve the Creator of the universe and everything in it--so where is He? I have prayed (I even asked for Joy from the Lord) and I have quoted scripture in our life as though (the things that are not) are here. I feel myself stumbling along, and consequently getting angry with my husband as well as my Maker. I feel like my feelings validate my reason to explode on the 2 most important beings in my life.

We've had conversations together. Not just hubby & I, but God & I. Although now I see that I haven't been listening to Him for an answer. I've just spent 2 weeks ranting and raving to Him and not letting Him get a word in edgewise.

Now the weekend rolls around and we're supposed to go to church. Great. Just what I don't want, although I don't want to miss it b/c I know it will be something that I need to hear. So, reluctantly I go with the family. I'm not participating in any conversation on the way (which is a stretch for me as we have 4 children and an hour drive) because I want hubby to know that I'm mad...so I stew...and he doesn't notice. Again (which just further aggravates me).

So we get to church and they're getting to the end of worship. I begin to sing, but only because I feel like I should be "doing" something. Not sitting there like some heathen. My heart just isn't in it because I feel like I've been ignored, (or worse), betrayed by my best friend--the Lord. I am relieved when we're told that we can sit as the service is to begin.

I notice the title of the pastor's message tonight: Great Joy. I'm thinking, you've got to be kidding me. You listened, Lord? Tears spring to my eyes as I began to take notes to a message from my Papa that my soul and spirit have been longing for. It was an amazing message, and after it ended, I was filled with renewed Joy in my spirit. Joy that I need to fight the enemy for...to protect against all acts of thievery. It finally dawns on me that my Lord may have been trying to give me His Joy all along...but I didn't receive it because I was too busy looking at myself and my circumstances.

I am grateful that I have a God who looms above my problems--making them seem non-existent. Our mountains are still looming, but only in the shadow of the Most High God. I have to train myself to resist the temptation of focusing on myself, and keep my eyes on Him. When I do this, I know that even I can walk on water.

Classic Inspired

2008-12-05T19:08:00.000-08:00

Classic Mama tagged me for this note and I'm so proud that I have a husband who helped me figure it out!! It only took me 2 days!! :) Love you Classic!!! You're so awesome.

Where is your cell phone? Sitting in a kitchen drawer

Where is your significant other? Standing right behind me showing me how to do this :)

Your hair color? medium brown

Your mother? medium brown

Your father? light auburn

Your favorite thing? Wow, I really don't even know.

Your dream last night? Creepy. This is the 2nd time I've had a dream about this man who said to not worship God, but worship me (him). He had nail holes in his hands but I know he wasn't Jesus.

Your dream/goal? To raise my children so that their floors are my ceilings in all areas of their lives. I'd also love to be completely debt free so that we can live the free life Christ wants us to live.

The room you’re in? Our dining room, which also serves as my hubby's office & a dragstrip for the kids to run through.

Your hobby? I love to sing.

Your fear? Going through a replay of everything that we went through last year when Sweet Pea was born

Where do you want to be in 6 years? I'd like to live either closer to church or closer to my family (in S.D.)

Where were you last night? At home, where I almost always am.

What you’re not? Quiet & thin

One of your wish-list items? To have the funds to fix up our home and to pay off our debt.

Where you grew up? Beresford, SD

The last thing you did? Ran a ton of errands with Mr. History

What are you wearing? Jeans and a sweater

Your TV? It's 10 years old and very finicky. The push button is broken and we're okay that we have no cable and almost no reception. Did I mention that we don't really watch t.v.?

Your pet? We have some fish that I'd like to flush down the toilet so that we can use their area for something else. Other than that, I have my 4 children. They're pretty close to pets sometimes.

Your computer? A Dell

Your mood?Better than earlier. I don't get excited about my birthday.

Missing someone? Yes. My mom.

Your car? The Conquistador. Also known as our Suburban. We may have to look into a bigger vehicle.

Something you’re not wearing? Earmuffs

Favorite store? Salvation Army!

Your summer? If I'm pregnant, it's usually too long and hot. If not and I've lost weight, too hot and not long enough.

Love someone? Yes...lots of them

Your favorite color? Blue

When is the last time you laughed? This morning when I was hanging out with my good friend Amanda

Last time you cried? tonight after I realized that I'd hurt my hubby's feelings

It didn't seem like a blessing

2008-12-04T15:16:00.000-08:00

Having money problems is never fun. Living from paycheck to paycheck is never fun. Your pocketbook being tighter than a fully-stretched rubber band is never fun. This is how much of our year has been. It's been so easy to complain about our finances, even though the Lord has been faithful to pay the necessities (although with not much time to spare it seems). Sometimes it feels as though we're running (to meet the bill deadlines) and then the road stops (but we keep running). It's only after we notice that we've run out of road, that we feel the Lord graciously pull us back to safety (He provides the money needed for our bills).

The next thing I know is it's approaching Christmas, which for many, has become a "holiday of despair" because of the debt that is accrued during this time. I can actually say, "not for me"! We've been wanting our children to know the true meaning of Christmas for years now. And it's been taught well. They know that Christmas is the day that we celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. They know that He was born humbly in a manger, in a stable with the animals. They know the entire story of Christ's birth. However, it's often been covered up with presents, presents, presents, and not enough of the presence (if you know what I mean).

Well, this year we've had to let people know that we won't be participating in gift exchanges with them. I've sat down with my 10-year-old to ask him what he would really like for Christmas because we won't be having a grandiose spread of gifts this year. He told me he needed some new socks and he'd like to have a model airplane. Immediately, I felt the tears well up in my eyes. Partly because that's not what a typical boy would ask for, but very grateful that we don't have a typical boy.

It only dawned on me about a week later that there was a sense of peace about this "whole situation". We've been trying for the last few years to get the kids only a few things as gifts, and being quite successful until about a week before Christmas. Then I "feel" the race is on and even though we have already gotten them what we'd like, we continue to shop so that we don't "short" the kids. Afterward, I always feel terrible for my lack of self control (and the kids have forgotten about the new things in their toy boxes).

It then occurred to me that our "lack" of money is actually a blessing this Christmas season. We are able to focus on its true meaning, not confusing our children about what a Savior really means. We are excited about getting our children less, and in doing so, giving more to our children. Sometimes I think it's good to take a look at children in 3rd world countries. If they are lucky (for lack of a better word) enough, they have one toy that they treasure and take care of. They are perfectly content with it and they don't get mixed up in the greed of the world. That's what I want for my children. To be able to cultivate in them a grateful heart. One that is not greedy, or lustful for another's things, but to be able to be content with what they have and know the reason that they have it is because they serve an Amazing Father who loves to bless His children.

Happy Birthday Dimples!

2008-12-02T08:29:00.000-08:00

That's right! Today is Dimple's 5th birthday. He's so amazing to watch grow and he's such a little man now! Today he's spending his birthday with his P&N (as we refer to his grandparents) in train county. He had no idea what it was they had planned, but I'm pretty sure that he does now!! It's so amazing how 5 years fly by. He is very excited for his birthday party on Sunday too. I think even more exciting to him is that one particular girl that he's smitten with will be here then. She even asked her mom if she could be dropped off and that her mom could pick her up later. Dimple's thinks that a good back-up name for our baby if it's a girl would be to give it none other than his sweetheart's name. Hmm...he's still a little young for that, isn't he? I'll be watching them for any signs of affection other than a slug in the shoulder. :)

Happy Birthday my little man. I can't wait to be with you this evening and celebrate another year with you. My Dimples.

Seeking His Will

2008-11-29T19:34:00.001-08:00

After "discovering" that we are now pregnant for the 7th time, there's been a multitude of feelings that have flooded my soul. I immediately cried, thinking of last year when our little sweet pea was born and ended up sick and in the hospital for a month. I do not want to do that again. And I'm believing that we won't have to. We're praying for Heavenly health for both of us and believing that it will come to fruition.

There's been moments of happiness, and there's also been moments of shame. That last one is so ridiculous, but it's true. We're married, but people's responses (whether verbal or just facial) speak volumes. I've heard (countless times from people), "your husband needs more work to do!" Or, "we're all pitching in to get you some cable and a t.v. in your bedroom". Thanks guys. If I get cable or a new t.v., you sure can buy it. But, I'm going to be picky and it's not going to be in my bedroom!!

What is quite obvious is that children are no longer viewed as the "gift from God" that they were meant to be. They are now looked at like they're a burden--extra baggage to weigh you down. We live in a time when it's no longer wise to "trust in the Lord", but to "lean on our own understanding" because we worry about our pocketbooks more than believe in what God can do. Everyone's quiver is a different size, and ours just seems to be a bit bigger than most. But that doesn't mean that I'm open to being the old woman who lived in a shoe.

I was talking to Relentless tonight and had a brief, but wonderful conversation. Thanks Relentless!! If anyone knows Relentless, she is full of wisdom beyond her young years. She's a HUGE blessing to the body of Christ and I'm glad to be friends with her!

I am praying that the Lord will give us guidance on His will for our whole life, but mainly right now to know "how big is our quiver?". I've got so many questions for Him, like whether we should go on birth control or not, are we really trusting Him if we do? I want nothing else than to follow the Lord's leading for my life, but sometimes it's a bit daunting to think that I'm not quite 30 and could end up with 15 kiddos running around!

It's hard to remember sometimes that our identity is not in our roles as men & women, but who we are in Christ. It is necessary however to remind ourselves of this. I choose to continue to seek out the Lord's will (no matter how long it takes) and believe that He will show my hubby and I in His time. I told Relentless last night that I just wish that He would show us His will so that we could do it and feel confident in our decision. And she said something profound (again :) . She said that she agreed, but the relationship wouldn't be there then (with the Lord). That really touched me. Like maybe I am now glad that He's not "answered" me so that I can press in to Him more and chase Him the way He wants me to. That's definitely a place where I want to be.

So, I guess to sum up everything, I really can't care what people are saying (or not saying). All I care about is doing the Lord's will for our life and living in His faithfulness, love and fullness. He is good. That is why I seek Him. That is why I serve Him.

~Pressing In

All Cranked-Up and Slowly Unwinding

2008-11-24T18:13:00.000-08:00

I felt after a day like today, it was time to begin blogging. It feels like there's been just so much screaming lately (by the kids, & the mom). Children have a way of making scriptures fly through your head (mainly the one that says, "Children are a gift from the Lord...").

The last "straw" came tonight when my youngest son locked the bathroom door again. At 3 years old, there's probably not much need for locking any door unless it means getting into something that you're not supposed to be into. (As in the other night when he rubbed Vicks all over his face and ate half a bottle of antacids.) Anyway, when my next oldest son opened the door, I see my youngest as he's taking the disposable cup for brushing teeth and dumping water into the toilet. Not quite sure if this is water from the toilet (which was not just water) or if it was from the sink.

Well, I'm sure that I don't have to tell you that he had a very quick lesson in cleaning the toilet and now I breathe a sigh of relief (and exhaustion) as I am assured that he's in his bed. Hopefully sleeping.

Note to self: Check on that one before I go to sleep. :)