12 Days...

We had a wonderful 2 days with family to celebrate the birth of our King. After getting back from my in-laws today, we arrived home to find a gift bag on our front stoop. (This always makes me amazed at the Lord for keeping things safe. We've had stuff stolen from our step before, but amazingly it was returned to us in a bag about a month later!) We had a lot to unload from our truck (including people), but I felt like I should rescue whatever was waiting for us, so I left the rest and charged into the house to set the package safely on the table. I knew that I needed to help unload our truck, so I glimpsed inside and saw my name written and some gifts wrapped up inside. I flew fast to throw kids and gifts in the house so I could see what little treasures awaited me! :)

Inside again, I sat down to look at the gift that some unknown friend blessed me with. On the paper with my name was a history of the carol, The 12 Days of Christmas. For some reason I always thought that the 12 days of Christmas were leading up to Christmas Day. I never knew that it actually starts on Christmas (or the day after) continuing to the day before Epiphany. I actually thought that once Christmas was over, so were any festivities. I'm excited to look more into this little history lesson! :)

What was in the 5 packages? Well...

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree (some really yummy Anjou Pear moisturizing soap).

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, two turtle doves (Dove raspberry and dark chocolate bars)

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 3 french hens (Dunkin Donuts French Vanilla Coffee)

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 4 calling birds (a daily devotional called, Jesus calling)

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 5 golden rings! (gold fingernail polish--which was really cool b/c I've been wanting to paint my nails for the past 4 days)

I only thought (after the fact) that maybe I should have opened them up each day instead of tearing them open like some 5 year old kiddo on Christmas morning...hmm....well, I'm only 33 and it is the day after Christmas. Jesus, please give me more self control. :)

Dear friend, if you are reading this, please know that you have indeed blessed me. It was an already great day, but this definitely pushed it to the next level (to wonderful) just to know that someone was thinking about me and loving on me.

I am so grateful to serve Jesus, who knows what I need before I even think of it. That He has placed the most amazing friends in my life. That His love for me is evident and everlasting. Thank you Jesus. Thank you dear sweet anonymous friend. You have touched my heart. May Jesus bless you and keep you.

Praying for whoever is reading this to be blessed! His extravagant love is amazing...and He wants to love on you too. :)

(I'll try to remember how to post pictures tomorrow--then get them up on here. :)

Unprepared...

Juggling isn't easy sometimes. I've been working more hours than I have in a LONG time along with volunteering, schooling and trying to run my household. Needless to say, I've been a little emotional over the last 2 weeks. I was so excited to finally have a girls night out with some friends.

We had a great time. There was too much food (as always), much laughter and so much fun. It felt good to talk without having someone interrupt your every word. It had definitely been too long. Release is so good. Thanks girls. Can't wait to do it again soon. :)

After being gone for almost 6 hours, I came home and hubby went with a friend to practice for worship for today's service at church. I had a little quiet time, so I decided to check out my email and then I checked on a friend's CaringBridge (free websites for people facing serious medical conditions--a great way to keep everyone informed). What I saw I was unprepared for.

B. had set up the website for her son, N. who may have been 19 or so when he was diagnosed with spinal cancer. Our family has tried to keep updated on how sweet N. has been doing, praying together for complete recovery for him. Well, last night I saw that he passed away on September 17th. The same day that our little lovely had a birthday. My heart is broken. He died just 12 days before his 22nd birthday. I can't even imagine.

As I sat there in tears reading past posts about this amazing young man, I began to wonder. If I could talk to B., what would I say? How could I be an encouragement to her? I knew then that there would be nothing I could say (except that I will be praying) to encourage her. I knew that because of her faith in her Creator Jesus, she would be the one comforting and encouraging me.

The Lord met her and showed her that she needs to look to Him, not for N. That N. was safe with Him, no longer suffering. That was such a comfort for her. And even though they will continue to grieve (I don't think a person actually ever "gets done" grieving), Jesus will meet her and her family every step of the way in the process. The pain will get to be less over time and there will be further time between the bouts of heart-wrenching sadness. He is ever faithful. I pray for a full, yet as quick-as-possible recovery. I truly feel speechless.

New Chapter...

Transition is not always easy. In fact, it's often uncomfortable and seems to be long. In labor, it's one of the most intense parts. The part when you want to throw in the towel and just leave the baby in there and wear maternity pants for the rest of your life. There's no stopping it. That baby's coming, and what a prize it will be when it comes. In the meantime though, you've just got to hang in there.

I love my church. I mean L-O-V-E. my. church. I have lived in PA for almost 11 years and next month, we'll be at our beloved church for 10 years. That's a long time. (For a 32 year old at least.) My man and I have gone through many hardships in our 10 years of marriage, as well as many happy ones. Through that time, our church, has become a family. One that we like. One that we love. I have experienced friendships that I never dreamed possible. I love each one of them wholeheartedly.

This past Monday night was an exhausting one (not just b/c it was McGyver's birthday). C & I went to bed after crying out to the Lord for wisdom about what to do in an area of our life. When we woke up the next morning, he asked me if I felt the Lord telling me anything. "I don't know... maybe", I said. "Why, do you feel him telling you something?" He said yes, but said I needed to go first. I sighed and went on. "Well, I think I heard a voice maybe telling me that we should go to this other church" (a church that our church planted) "instead of our church." Then I waited for him to tell me, "Nope. That's not it." Instead, he said, "Yep. That's what the Lord told me too."

It was exciting. C & I hearing from the Lord individually, but also together. I was elated. Later in the day, it began to feel surreal. Was this really happening? C & I talked about it, and we both felt that we needed to do this asap. I have learned from past experiences that when the Lord says something, we need to jump on it. Otherwise, the rewards may be less sweet as time goes by. Kind of like a harvest. When you know it's time to bring in the harvest, you don't wait for the fruit to fall to the ground and get all squishy and bug-filled. You get out there to get the ripe, succulent fruit.

This morning though and all through the day, I felt so extremely sad. I felt like I was in mourning. I know that we're not moving to Mexico or anything, but it is just such a change I'm trying to wrap my heart (and my mind) around it all at the same time. A couple of times at work today I began to feel tears slide down my cheeks as I kept thinking how hard this would be. How much I will miss my family. It truly felt like grief.

Tonight, as I was putting the boys to bed, I read about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane (from their children's Bible). While reading to them, Holy Spirit began to show me the sacrifice that Jesus made for me. I mean, really, show me in my heart. So much so, that I began to weep uncontrollably. I realized that He left everything that was perfect and good with the Father, to come here. To be ridiculed, to be tormented, to be tortured and crucified. All for a people who did not receive Him. We, on the other hand, are being called to a church that is amazing. People there who only know how to love, and who are generous and good. I realized then, in my grief, that I needed to thank Jesus, let the grief go, and give Him praise for the new chapter in our life.
I am reminded of King David. After days of praying and fasting, his firstborn son died. He immediately washed his face, changed his clothes and began to eat again.

So, now I wash my face, thank Jesus for His amazing love, and the new chapter in our life. I won't get to give most of you a "proper good-bye"in time for this Sunday, but I am sure that I will see you again (sometime soon I hope!). These precious friendships that I treasure I want to keep going. I simply can't lose touch. It'll just take a little scheduling. :)

I am excited to see what the Lord has for our family through this act of obedience. Since we said "yes", C has already had 4 new projects begin...and that's only since yesterday!

Alright. Time to turn the page. Thank you for this "baby", Lord. Thank you that it's coming and oh, what a sweet day it will be.

Happy Birthday Sweet Jonathan!

8 years ago yesterday, 5/31/02, Winston (then 4) and I went to my routine dr's appointment. Chris and I were expecting #2 and we were 29 1/2 weeks along. I still remember it like it was yesterday. The nurse, trying to find a heartbeat with the Doppler and not being successful. Another nurse came into the room and tried the same thing, with the same response. Finally, the doc came in to tell me to move to the ultrasound room. When we got there, I wasn't prepared for what the sonographer would tell me. "Jennie, I am sorry, but your baby is gone." I remember sitting there trying to control my thoughts. What did she mean that the baby was gone? I was past the time of having a miscarriage, wasn't I?

The tears wouldn't stop flowing. Young Winston, so sweet and normally quiet, was all of a sudden protective of his mother; and he wrapped his small arm around my shoulder and pointed his little finger at the lady and demanded, "why did you make my mommy cry?" I had to call Chris, who was working an hour away and he came home as fast as he could. We had a friend watch Winston for us for a few hours while Chris & I tried to pick up the pieces.

We had picked out the name Aidan Wesley for our son. No reason, just sounded nice. But the Lord had different plans. As Chris and I were sitting in our living room, the Lord told Chris that He wanted us to name our son Jonathan David. We'd never even looked at that name, but we would obey our Daddy. Whatever He wanted.

We had been told that we would have to wait until Monday to deliver our son (it was Friday). I was devastated to go all weekend knowing what I knew. Chris stood up for me however and called the doc's office and told them that we were going in on Saturday, June 1. We weren't going to wait.

Early the next morning, I was induced. It was a grueling labor. My body wasn't physically ready for what was happening and my heart would never be ready for such an event. My mom flew in from South Dakota to help Chris and I. We had just had our first childbirth class that Tuesday and it did not prepare us like we would have needed to be. Chris told me later how grateful he was that she was there.

When Jonathan was "born", it was like a silent movie. Normally, there's all kinds of noise during and following a live birth. This was utter silence. It still makes my heart grieve thinking of what it was like that day. He was 1 pound 15 ounces, and was 16 inches long. He had dark hair, just like his daddy. His lips were perfectly formed as were his little hands and fingers. He was so beautiful...I couldn't see anything wrong with him. I do remember him being so fragile though and I was nervous to hold him. I was afraid that he would literally break in my hands.

Not everyone had chosen to see our baby. We didn't want Winston to b/c he wouldn't have understood. It would have frightened him. Chris's parents, along with my mom, held their grandson in their arms. I'm sure that I felt guilty for delivering their little grandson to them in this way.

After everyone left the room, we were left alone with our son. The nurse that was in the room told us that Jonathan was "a gift from God". I only nodded without looking up and I don't think that either one of us said anything except maybe a mumbled version of, "I know". We didn't want to be comforted, we just wanted our son back. She said, "no, that's what his name means". In the midst of my heartache, I felt a tinge of hope. That my Papa would speak to us even during that dark hour.

She then explained to us that we could hold our son as long as we wanted. That he could even stay with us overnight. We decided to let them take him shortly after that. That was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make, and I came close to hating myself afterward. I kept wondering if I made the wrong choice. If I should have kept him with me as long as possible.

When Chris & I got home, we looked up the name David to find the meaning. We were shocked, yet feeling loved when we saw, "cherished". Our son was rightly named Jonathan David, our cherished gift from God.

The Lord has done amazing things since we lost our son 8 years ago today. He's given us 4 more very healthy, beautiful children, and the growth and healing that He's given to our hearts is more than we can put into words. Today, we say, Happy 8th Birthday Jonathan! We love you and miss you so very much! And Abba, please give him a big hug and kiss for us. Thank you for all that you have done and that we will one day see him again.

Here is the verse that was put on his gravestone. 1 Samuel 1:28 "Now I am giving him to the Lord, and he will belong to the Lord his whole life".

It was like a dream

"When the Lord restored his exiles to Jerusalem, it was like a dream! We were filled with laughter, and we sang for joy. And the other nations said, "What amazing things the Lord has done for them." Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us! What joy! Restore our fortunes, Lord, as streams renew the desert. Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest." Psalm 126

This is the scripture that was prophesied over us last year. At first, it sounded too good to be true. And though that may be a fact as to how it is in the world, NOTHING is too good to be true as Children of God.

2009 was a great year for miraculous provision for our family. Most of the year we had no idea how we were going to "make ends meet", but there was always enough. Even when it was the 11th hour and as we dangled off the cliff and it felt like God's hands were getting sweaty and He was going to drop us, He provided. In amazing ways. We have 5 children, and we didn't know how we were going to "do Christmas". Well. Let me tell you that this past Christmas was the most amazing one I can ever remember having. How, you ask? Well, Jesus did the shopping. :) Let me give you the short version of what He did.

Background: We were VERY late with all of our loans/payments. The same debts were staring us in the face even though the money wasn't really even trickling in. We learned how to fight fear. Through praying scripture, we have learned how to battle the enemy. We're still growing in this area, but I can see the amazing growth that the Lord has blessed us with over the past year.

December 3rd (Thursday) I was asked to work at the credit union, and I knew it was a blessing because we needed some money. I always pray before going to work, and at the end of the day when I was $161 short, I couldn't figure it out. I took it home to look at it and could find nothing. I brought it back to work with me the next day and explained this to my supervisor. She told me that there was also $3000 missing from the vault and that it pointed to me. I went home devastated. I couldn't believe that this was happening. Here we are, extremely late on all of our payments and now money is missing from the vault? I just cried out to God. It was all in His hands.

On Sunday we received prayer for our finances (which was hard for me because we've received SO much prayer for this last year). We were then asked how much we needed to bring our mortgage current and we were blessed right away with that much money. I was so excited to bring our house payment where it should be!! After getting the kids home and in bed, the spirit of fear tried to attack me. I realized that I would be bringing a lot of cash in to my work to make our mortgage payment right after all that money was missing from the vault. Thank goodness that I realized what it was. I told the enemy that I know that I didn't take any money and that the Lord had blessed me and I was going to pay our mortgage. I would leave the details to God. So, I brought it in early Monday morning. Then I waited. On Tuesday morning, my supervisor called and told me that they found the error. They "found" the $3000 AND the $161 that was missing. I hadn't been off after all. The Lord restored me to honor.

Not too long after this, I was blessed with a birthday check for $25. I had it cashed, put it in the envelope, sealed it shut and sent it through the drive-thru to Chris so that he could pick something up for me. He went to pay for the item and discovered that $5 was missing. I checked with the teller who cashed it and she wasn't off. I instantly knew that the devil stole my money. I declared in Jesus' name that the devil stole my $5 and that he would pay me back much more than what he stole (the amount would be determined by my Father). Two weeks later (December 21), I received a call from a local office telling me that they had something for me. Really? I went down to the office where I was handed an envelope and told that it was an anonymous gift for us for Christmas. I thanked her and practically ran home. As soon as I got in the door, I tore open the envelope. Inside the card was $350!! As I am staring at this money, almost unable to think, the Lord brought to mind that the enemy stole my $5 and that he was made to pay me back 70 times what was stolen!! That's my Abba!! That same day we were blessed with paid tuition for our 4-year-old's preschool for the remainder of the year!! Wow God!!

Ah yes. That brings me back to Christmas. For Christmas this year, Chris & I bought each of the older boys a pack of socks as well as a pair of slippers for our eldest and a book of coloring pages for our 4-y.o. With 5 kids, that's pretty amazing. The rest came from our Papa, a talking doll for our daughter, plush blocks for our littlest warrior, a firehouse for our middle 2 sons and some fun word games for our oldest. We had the most fun with with the Wii & Wii Fit Plus that He blessed us with. At one point, I looked at my handsome hubby and said, "this all feels like a dream". Instantly, Psalm 126 came to mind. And there it was.

He's done so much more than that last year, but this is just one of many stories of faithfulness and provision. And so far, 2010 has been a dream.

Chris & I had been praying for a different car for him to get to work in. The car that had been given to us in September had finally bitten the dust. (I say finally because it was 24 years old.) We knew that the Lord had blessed us with that car, and the devil had NO right to steal it from us. So we declared it. Not too long after praying, we were approached by someone who asked if we needed a car. She said that it's kind of old, but that it would run. We figured that we'd just driven a car that was 24 years old, so it wouldn't be that big of a deal. She said that it was a 2004 Honda Civic. I couldn't believe it. It was 5 years newer than our "new" Conquistador (as my s-i-l calls it). It had 40,000 miles on it and let me tell you that it's SO much fun to drive!! :) We couldn't believe that the Lord would do something so incredibly amazing for us!! Thank you Abba!! We've since then been given more gift cards (coming anonymously in the mail) as well as people we don't even know blessing us with Wii games! It really does feel like a dream some days!!

I'm praying as you read this that this year will bless you greatly, and, most importantly, that you will see more of Jesus than you ever thought possible. Because with Him, ALL things are possible.

Can I obey?

As parents, it seems like we're constantly trying to get our kids to obey. It's simple. Obedience brings peace. Sometimes there are even rewards for obedience. What happens then when we are challenged as adults by our Heavenly Father to obey Him? Now it doesn't seem that simple. We have agendas of our own and His doesn't seem to fit. This has been me recently.

About a month ago, I was enjoying my Facebook account (as usual) when I felt the Lord telling me to close down my account. What? Did He really say that? Couldn't be. Facebook is wonderful!! Why would He want me to give up something so great? So, that repeated itself several times over the past month. I kept giving Him reasons as to why it's so good for me: I'm reconnected with people that I haven't seen in a LONG time (as well as people I get to see frequently) and I've been able to share with people about what a WONDERFUL God I serve (which I thought would win Him hands down).

Last week, I was doing the dishes with my 11 y.o. and I started crying out to the Lord about our finances that we need and I felt the Him again tell me to close down my account. Immediately after, I heard this question in my head: "Are you willing to miss the Lord's blessing b/c of being disobedient about Facebook?". Wow. My answer was of course, "NO!" and I went to the computer and immediately shut it down. Then I began to pray that my delayed obedience would be forgiven and that He would bring the blessings back that I may have missed during my period of disobedience. God is good and even though I was slow in obeying, I believe that He has forgiven me and is extended grace and mercy to me .

Well, last night during dinner, the doorbell rang. It was our postman delivering a package for us. We weren't expecting anything, and we saw that someone wrote on the side of the box, "Be Blessed"!! Oooh, I just LOVE those kind of boxes!! :) Anyway, inside was a NEW CAMERA!!! Well, not entirely new, but so beautiful just the same!! It's a Canon Power Shot and it's AMAZING!! :) I still can't believe it!! We were just talking a few weeks ago that wouldn't it be great to get a camera for the family and then use the old slow one for Chris' work. I just can't believe it!! :) God is SO good!! :) And you better believe that we're praying for HUGE blessings for the individual/people who obeyed the Lord!!

Also in the package were 2 CD's by Jesse Duplantis. It has already changed my way of thinking and we've only listened to one of them! It was titled, "Hey, that's MY Harvest!". It's on how we need to bring our tithes AND offerings. And when we bring our offerings, we need to NAME our harvest so that when it comes, we recognize it. Otherwise, the enemy will steal it from us! This is for people who are in alignment with God's Kingdom of course. He is not a genie in a bottle that we can tell Him what to do. Oh no. He's THE God of the universe and King of Kings and best of all: MY (YOUR) ABBA (DADDY)!!!

I want to be in a place of TOTAL obedience ALL the time. I don't want to let Him wait on me any longer. I don't want to miss a SINGLE thing that He has for me. How about you? What are some ways that you could obey Him? It may be simple, or it may be more complex. But one thing is for sure. He is faithful through ALL things. When we are faithful with the small things, we will be faithful in the big things. (Luke 16:10). Yeah for Jesus who trusts me to obey Him!! Can't wait to post more soon!!

Be BLESSED!!

I FOUND MY REST!

I can't believe that I totally forgot what Livin' Life had told me a month earlier. Last week, we had the Prophetic Presbytery for S.O.M. Livin' had told me that we needed to be in prayer the week before, during and especially after the presbytery. She said that the enemy would come to steal our Word from the Lord. Well...last week it was truly amazing. Dawn spoke over healing and provision (keep in mind that we'd never met her before) and that we needed to continue to believe in the miraculous.

Right after I posted my last blog (a few minutes ago), I had an "aha!" moment. I felt like this is exactly what Livin' had warned us of. That the devourer, liar & cheat will do everything in his power to convince me that my Abba is lying. My attitude feels TOTALLY different now. Like, I want to shout in his ugly face, "IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?".

Thank You Lord for showing me to wear this struggle as a badge of honor. I can't believe that I have fallen for his schemes. Please forgive me Abba for my straying from Your path. Help me to stick with You so that I don't get lost again.

I suddenly feel the need to play "Bring It On" by Steven Curtis Chapman. I HAVE FOUND MY REST!