Happy Birthday Sweet Jonathan!

8 years ago yesterday, 5/31/02, Winston (then 4) and I went to my routine dr's appointment. Chris and I were expecting #2 and we were 29 1/2 weeks along. I still remember it like it was yesterday. The nurse, trying to find a heartbeat with the Doppler and not being successful. Another nurse came into the room and tried the same thing, with the same response. Finally, the doc came in to tell me to move to the ultrasound room. When we got there, I wasn't prepared for what the sonographer would tell me. "Jennie, I am sorry, but your baby is gone." I remember sitting there trying to control my thoughts. What did she mean that the baby was gone? I was past the time of having a miscarriage, wasn't I?

The tears wouldn't stop flowing. Young Winston, so sweet and normally quiet, was all of a sudden protective of his mother; and he wrapped his small arm around my shoulder and pointed his little finger at the lady and demanded, "why did you make my mommy cry?" I had to call Chris, who was working an hour away and he came home as fast as he could. We had a friend watch Winston for us for a few hours while Chris & I tried to pick up the pieces.

We had picked out the name Aidan Wesley for our son. No reason, just sounded nice. But the Lord had different plans. As Chris and I were sitting in our living room, the Lord told Chris that He wanted us to name our son Jonathan David. We'd never even looked at that name, but we would obey our Daddy. Whatever He wanted.

We had been told that we would have to wait until Monday to deliver our son (it was Friday). I was devastated to go all weekend knowing what I knew. Chris stood up for me however and called the doc's office and told them that we were going in on Saturday, June 1. We weren't going to wait.

Early the next morning, I was induced. It was a grueling labor. My body wasn't physically ready for what was happening and my heart would never be ready for such an event. My mom flew in from South Dakota to help Chris and I. We had just had our first childbirth class that Tuesday and it did not prepare us like we would have needed to be. Chris told me later how grateful he was that she was there.

When Jonathan was "born", it was like a silent movie. Normally, there's all kinds of noise during and following a live birth. This was utter silence. It still makes my heart grieve thinking of what it was like that day. He was 1 pound 15 ounces, and was 16 inches long. He had dark hair, just like his daddy. His lips were perfectly formed as were his little hands and fingers. He was so beautiful...I couldn't see anything wrong with him. I do remember him being so fragile though and I was nervous to hold him. I was afraid that he would literally break in my hands.

Not everyone had chosen to see our baby. We didn't want Winston to b/c he wouldn't have understood. It would have frightened him. Chris's parents, along with my mom, held their grandson in their arms. I'm sure that I felt guilty for delivering their little grandson to them in this way.

After everyone left the room, we were left alone with our son. The nurse that was in the room told us that Jonathan was "a gift from God". I only nodded without looking up and I don't think that either one of us said anything except maybe a mumbled version of, "I know". We didn't want to be comforted, we just wanted our son back. She said, "no, that's what his name means". In the midst of my heartache, I felt a tinge of hope. That my Papa would speak to us even during that dark hour.

She then explained to us that we could hold our son as long as we wanted. That he could even stay with us overnight. We decided to let them take him shortly after that. That was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make, and I came close to hating myself afterward. I kept wondering if I made the wrong choice. If I should have kept him with me as long as possible.

When Chris & I got home, we looked up the name David to find the meaning. We were shocked, yet feeling loved when we saw, "cherished". Our son was rightly named Jonathan David, our cherished gift from God.

The Lord has done amazing things since we lost our son 8 years ago today. He's given us 4 more very healthy, beautiful children, and the growth and healing that He's given to our hearts is more than we can put into words. Today, we say, Happy 8th Birthday Jonathan! We love you and miss you so very much! And Abba, please give him a big hug and kiss for us. Thank you for all that you have done and that we will one day see him again.

Here is the verse that was put on his gravestone. 1 Samuel 1:28 "Now I am giving him to the Lord, and he will belong to the Lord his whole life".

It was like a dream

"When the Lord restored his exiles to Jerusalem, it was like a dream! We were filled with laughter, and we sang for joy. And the other nations said, "What amazing things the Lord has done for them." Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us! What joy! Restore our fortunes, Lord, as streams renew the desert. Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest." Psalm 126

This is the scripture that was prophesied over us last year. At first, it sounded too good to be true. And though that may be a fact as to how it is in the world, NOTHING is too good to be true as Children of God.

2009 was a great year for miraculous provision for our family. Most of the year we had no idea how we were going to "make ends meet", but there was always enough. Even when it was the 11th hour and as we dangled off the cliff and it felt like God's hands were getting sweaty and He was going to drop us, He provided. In amazing ways. We have 5 children, and we didn't know how we were going to "do Christmas". Well. Let me tell you that this past Christmas was the most amazing one I can ever remember having. How, you ask? Well, Jesus did the shopping. :) Let me give you the short version of what He did.

Background: We were VERY late with all of our loans/payments. The same debts were staring us in the face even though the money wasn't really even trickling in. We learned how to fight fear. Through praying scripture, we have learned how to battle the enemy. We're still growing in this area, but I can see the amazing growth that the Lord has blessed us with over the past year.

December 3rd (Thursday) I was asked to work at the credit union, and I knew it was a blessing because we needed some money. I always pray before going to work, and at the end of the day when I was $161 short, I couldn't figure it out. I took it home to look at it and could find nothing. I brought it back to work with me the next day and explained this to my supervisor. She told me that there was also $3000 missing from the vault and that it pointed to me. I went home devastated. I couldn't believe that this was happening. Here we are, extremely late on all of our payments and now money is missing from the vault? I just cried out to God. It was all in His hands.

On Sunday we received prayer for our finances (which was hard for me because we've received SO much prayer for this last year). We were then asked how much we needed to bring our mortgage current and we were blessed right away with that much money. I was so excited to bring our house payment where it should be!! After getting the kids home and in bed, the spirit of fear tried to attack me. I realized that I would be bringing a lot of cash in to my work to make our mortgage payment right after all that money was missing from the vault. Thank goodness that I realized what it was. I told the enemy that I know that I didn't take any money and that the Lord had blessed me and I was going to pay our mortgage. I would leave the details to God. So, I brought it in early Monday morning. Then I waited. On Tuesday morning, my supervisor called and told me that they found the error. They "found" the $3000 AND the $161 that was missing. I hadn't been off after all. The Lord restored me to honor.

Not too long after this, I was blessed with a birthday check for $25. I had it cashed, put it in the envelope, sealed it shut and sent it through the drive-thru to Chris so that he could pick something up for me. He went to pay for the item and discovered that $5 was missing. I checked with the teller who cashed it and she wasn't off. I instantly knew that the devil stole my money. I declared in Jesus' name that the devil stole my $5 and that he would pay me back much more than what he stole (the amount would be determined by my Father). Two weeks later (December 21), I received a call from a local office telling me that they had something for me. Really? I went down to the office where I was handed an envelope and told that it was an anonymous gift for us for Christmas. I thanked her and practically ran home. As soon as I got in the door, I tore open the envelope. Inside the card was $350!! As I am staring at this money, almost unable to think, the Lord brought to mind that the enemy stole my $5 and that he was made to pay me back 70 times what was stolen!! That's my Abba!! That same day we were blessed with paid tuition for our 4-year-old's preschool for the remainder of the year!! Wow God!!

Ah yes. That brings me back to Christmas. For Christmas this year, Chris & I bought each of the older boys a pack of socks as well as a pair of slippers for our eldest and a book of coloring pages for our 4-y.o. With 5 kids, that's pretty amazing. The rest came from our Papa, a talking doll for our daughter, plush blocks for our littlest warrior, a firehouse for our middle 2 sons and some fun word games for our oldest. We had the most fun with with the Wii & Wii Fit Plus that He blessed us with. At one point, I looked at my handsome hubby and said, "this all feels like a dream". Instantly, Psalm 126 came to mind. And there it was.

He's done so much more than that last year, but this is just one of many stories of faithfulness and provision. And so far, 2010 has been a dream.

Chris & I had been praying for a different car for him to get to work in. The car that had been given to us in September had finally bitten the dust. (I say finally because it was 24 years old.) We knew that the Lord had blessed us with that car, and the devil had NO right to steal it from us. So we declared it. Not too long after praying, we were approached by someone who asked if we needed a car. She said that it's kind of old, but that it would run. We figured that we'd just driven a car that was 24 years old, so it wouldn't be that big of a deal. She said that it was a 2004 Honda Civic. I couldn't believe it. It was 5 years newer than our "new" Conquistador (as my s-i-l calls it). It had 40,000 miles on it and let me tell you that it's SO much fun to drive!! :) We couldn't believe that the Lord would do something so incredibly amazing for us!! Thank you Abba!! We've since then been given more gift cards (coming anonymously in the mail) as well as people we don't even know blessing us with Wii games! It really does feel like a dream some days!!

I'm praying as you read this that this year will bless you greatly, and, most importantly, that you will see more of Jesus than you ever thought possible. Because with Him, ALL things are possible.