After "discovering" that we are now pregnant for the 7th time, there's been a multitude of feelings that have flooded my soul. I immediately cried, thinking of last year when our little sweet pea was born and ended up sick and in the hospital for a month. I do not want to do that again. And I'm believing that we won't have to. We're praying for Heavenly health for both of us and believing that it will come to fruition.
There's been moments of happiness, and there's also been moments of shame. That last one is so ridiculous, but it's true. We're married, but people's responses (whether verbal or just facial) speak volumes. I've heard (countless times from people), "your husband needs more work to do!" Or, "we're all pitching in to get you some cable and a t.v. in your bedroom". Thanks guys. If I get cable or a new t.v., you sure can buy it. But, I'm going to be picky and it's not going to be in my bedroom!!
What is quite obvious is that children are no longer viewed as the "gift from God" that they were meant to be. They are now looked at like they're a burden--extra baggage to weigh you down. We live in a time when it's no longer wise to "trust in the Lord", but to "lean on our own understanding" because we worry about our pocketbooks more than believe in what God can do. Everyone's quiver is a different size, and ours just seems to be a bit bigger than most. But that doesn't mean that I'm open to being the old woman who lived in a shoe.
I was talking to Relentless tonight and had a brief, but wonderful conversation. Thanks Relentless!! If anyone knows Relentless, she is full of wisdom beyond her young years. She's a HUGE blessing to the body of Christ and I'm glad to be friends with her!
I am praying that the Lord will give us guidance on His will for our whole life, but mainly right now to know "how big is our quiver?". I've got so many questions for Him, like whether we should go on birth control or not, are we really trusting Him if we do? I want nothing else than to follow the Lord's leading for my life, but sometimes it's a bit daunting to think that I'm not quite 30 and could end up with 15 kiddos running around!
It's hard to remember sometimes that our identity is not in our roles as men & women, but who we are in Christ. It is necessary however to remind ourselves of this. I choose to continue to seek out the Lord's will (no matter how long it takes) and believe that He will show my hubby and I in His time. I told Relentless last night that I just wish that He would show us His will so that we could do it and feel confident in our decision. And she said something profound (again :) . She said that she agreed, but the relationship wouldn't be there then (with the Lord). That really touched me. Like maybe I am now glad that He's not "answered" me so that I can press in to Him more and chase Him the way He wants me to. That's definitely a place where I want to be.
So, I guess to sum up everything, I really can't care what people are saying (or not saying). All I care about is doing the Lord's will for our life and living in His faithfulness, love and fullness. He is good. That is why I seek Him. That is why I serve Him.
~Pressing In
Texas wedding
10 years ago
